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Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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12:43 pm - Gallbladders, brownies, and more bloodwork
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Howdy all.
I'm so out of the loop. I feel like I've been treading water for the past month.
I'm still doing crazy tests with the endocrinologist to rule out or diagnose Cushings. My blood even had a field trip to the Mayo Clinic.
My diet has been good... up until this past week. On Monday, my husband has his gall bladder removed. On Tuesday, my dear friend brought by homemade brownies and a balloon... and then we realized together that he shouldn't be eating brownies right after gall bladder surgery. So we did the only right thing... we ate them ourselves. Two women with PMS + 1 plate of homemade brownies = bad news for healthy diets.
Anyway, everyone is slowly feeling better here. I have my next doc appt on Tuesday.
That's the latest.
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| Monday, April 24th, 2006
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8:00 pm - Thanks for the nudge...
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I'm feeling like a not so healthy worm, though.
I'm doing okay. But only okay.
It's diet coke, skim milk, and water instead of regular coke, grande nonfat flavored lattes, and diet coke.
It's good dinners with portion control from dinners ready, but probably a snack too many throughout the day.
It's veggies... but usually from a can.
It's fruit... but usually blended in a smoothie.
Exercise is coming from household chores and daily activity... which are things like gardening and painting and walks, but they still are not extra exercise activities.
I'm getting ready for the next round of Cushing's tests and I wonder if I actually have it, or if I'm having psychosomatic symptoms. Every time I try to do the elliptical, even for about 15 minutes (I had been doing an hour), I ache. Like someone beat me up sort of ache (not that I've ever been beat up, but I imagine it'd feel that wretched).
I'm noticing things like how dark my veins show through my pale skin. Hmm... or is it thin skin as that is a Cushing's symptom?
Is my face flushed? Or is it the red face of Cushings?
My cortisol has been high to high-normal. So is that it?
And it just dawned on me that I probably need to share this on the Tahoe trip (just 11 days away -- hooray!). I didn't want to say anything to a broader audience until I had a definite diagnosis, but we are planning things like a hike. Which I would love to do! But I don't know if I'll be feeling totally wiped out after it.
I hate that whatever is going on with me is impacting my general functioning. I basically have one day to be active, and the next to recover from it. I'm pushing myself... hoping that it's really just that muscle soreness you get after a good workout... and you know, push through and it'll get better in a few days. But I don't notice it getting better.
Bah. Anyway. I am hanging in there. And there are things I can improve upon... so here are a few manageable goals.
1. More fresh fruit and veggies. 5 FRESH servings per day... especially now that more things are in season.
2. More water, less diet coke.
3. Get on the elliptical each day. Even if for two minutes.
4. Write here more frequently. It's gotta' help to at least keep me focused, right?
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| Monday, March 27th, 2006
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6:59 pm - Keep on keeping on
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The sunshine is back, so I'm more active. Walking with the boys. Doing more around the house and in the yard.
I'm drinking more water. I'm having less carb and heavy comfort food cravings. I'm enjoying a turkey wrap or a salad more.
I'm not checking the scale for a while. Focusing on blood and urine tests and "journaling" possible symptoms is enough work right now. But overall, I'm feeling good.
Pulling out spring close and being comfortably down a size from last spring ... almost two sizes down... is also a plus.
current mood:  determined
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| Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
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9:26 pm - Looking for answers...
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So today I had an appointment with an endocrinologist. Among other things, my doc wanted to look at possible reasons why weight hasn't been coming off easily despite strong efforts. And how it settled there to begin with.
And so blood and urine and whatnot have been collected and tested. And there's a possibility that I have something called Cushing's Disease. It affects like 10 in a million people. You know, like the odds they give at winning a big contest. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things it is not so bad. Here's what I know so far.
It produces extra cortisol (sp?) in your body, usually because of a tumor on your adrenal glands (or pituitary, but I'm sticking with adrenal because the location is much friendlier than the pituitary). These tumors are very rarely malignant. And if it was adrenal cancer, it spreads much quicker and I ought to be sicker -- so that's not likely to be the case.
Cushing's is a bit of a challenge to confirm diagnosis, but it is reasonably easy to treat. It does involve surgical removal of the tumor and follow-up supplementing of cortisol... but it is not likely to recur.
I think right now I am just adjusting to the idea of possibly having this disease. On one hand, it's almost a relief to have an explanation for some quirky things that I had just chalked up to weird post-pregnancy body changes or getting older. But it's still an adjustment to think of something not right with one's body... I mean, beyond the normal type of things.
So I have another series of tests next week. More soon I'm sure.
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| Monday, March 20th, 2006
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1:41 pm - A good day...
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Fruit for a snack. English muffin for breakfast. Slice of leftover pizza and diet pepsi for lunch. Painting and 2 mile walk for exercise. And my online buddies are coming out of the woodwork. Hurrah!
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| Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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9:55 am - Update
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I've been kinda' slacking. I'm still watching what I eat, and I'm more active in daily life right now (though my elliptical is getting dusty). The scale is being kind. I'm maintaining the weight I lost earlier in the year, and depending on the day, have lost two more pounds.
I had a doctor's visit the other day, to monitor my thyroid. My regular doc is on maternity leave, so I saw someone different. She's decided to refer me to an endocrinologist and wants to explore the possibility of PCOS. She took a ton of blood and is running all sorts of tests. (This weirds me out... but at the same time, I guess it would be nice to have an explanation for some things.)
So that's the latest here. Hanging in there... hmm... I wonder what my other two online weight loss buddies are up to?
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| Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
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6:52 pm - Planning ahead
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My hubby has the sort of job where every few months he has about two weeks of absolutely crazy-ness at work. 14 hour days type of crazy. Which means he's not home for dinner. Which means entertaining the boys alone constantly for, more or less, two weeks.
Now I know plenty of women do this. All the time. There are single moms. There are parents whose spouse travels for long periods of time.
They are better people than I. I am reduced to a PBS-watching, macaroni-and-cheese eating, buy-your-lunch-at-school mom.
The implications of this though are not good for diet and workout. My routine is off. I'm not cooking full healthy meals. We've had pizza twice in the past two weeks. We've gone through a drive-thru with large yellow arcs too often (even if just for Apple Dippers and Diet Coke). I know this is part of the lifestyle, so I need to prep for it better.
I need to think of meals that the boys and I both like that are easily divisible, or that reheat well. I can do this.
On a positive note, I'm still maintaining my weight, so I'm being good about something. I did 20 minutes of actually exercise, in addition to random running around like a chicken with its head cut off at the bookfair. So I need 70 more minutes by Saturday. AT LEAST.
I've got a backlog of tivo'd shows to keep me moving.
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| Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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12:43 pm - A new month
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I am working to recapture the energy of January. I've been getting on the elliptical, if only for a little while. Eating's been better. Though since my hubby has been working late, I have only been cooking for me and the boys. That is more difficult for me. I hate cooking real meals for essentially two. The boys pick at a portion and then supplement with yogurt or a cheese stick or something.
I was feeling discouraged in February. I think I made the mental mistake that typically happens when you lose a decent amount of weight quickly. When you lose 2 or 3 pounds in a week, suddenly, that becomes the expectation. If you don't lose 2 or 3 pounds in a week, then hey, this isn't working, so why bother, right?
WRONG! Slow and steady wins the race. Yes, I lost 11 pounds in January... and none in February. But my initial goal was a loss of about 1 pound per week. Guess what? I'm still on target! My weight might come off in "waves," with a larger loss and then no loss for a while. But if I'm keeping my good habits going, guess what, I'm still making progress.
So I might have to wait til June or so to see the next pant size come off, but it won't happen unless I stay committed. And for me that means keeping a positive attitude and avoiding diet frustration.
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| Sunday, February 26th, 2006
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5:39 pm - A vicious cycle
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When I don't have energy, I don't exercise. When I don't exercise, I don't have energy.
Lately, I haven't exercised. To my defense, I've been dealing with sinus issues. My eyes itch and occasionally start to tear for no apparent reason. They feel like they are swollen in their sockets. There's a gentle ache in my cheeks, right below my eyes. And my nose feels best when I pinch really hard on the bridge.
I have had sinus issues for years now. During two previous bouts, ENT specialist types have done CT scans and diagnosed a deviated septum in my nose as the probably cause for my issues. They have strongly suggested surgery. The first time, I was newly nursing my firstborn son and didn't want to consider interrupting nursing for the week or so of recovery time. I think I was also freaked out by the thought of tubes poking into my nose and rearranging things precariously close to things like the nerves for my vision, sense of smell, and oh, my brain. The second time, I was in the middle of my teaching certification program. I had just had my tonsils out and couldn't take more time off and still keep my head above the water.
So I haven't been on the elliptical. I tried the other day because I really feel sluggish and awful. I decided, maybe this will help. I climbed on, turned my settings to my usual starting level and said, "Whoa!"
I adjusted the settings down.
And down.
And I managed fifteen minutes on a low setting. And then I showered. I fell asleep. I woke up 11 hours later feeling like a dinosaur had tapdanced on my skull.
So I need to get myself to the doctor. But the remodeling people operate on their own schedule which doesn't work well with trying to accomplish anything other than letting them in and out of the home.
I am managing to maintain my loss since Jan 1, so I'm down 11 pounds since the start of the year. But I can't seem to lose even a half-pound without at least 30 minutes of cardio each day.
So let me go snort the fumes of menthol in hot water and breathe for a few minutes.
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| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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10:53 am - Walking on eggshells...
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I'm been thinking lately about how people talk about weight, weight loss, obesity, weight loss efforts, etc. We had a minor controversy not too long ago with a group of friends about attitudes and conversations regarding obesity and weight loss efforts.
I know that I'm particularly sensitive. I have a difficult time discussing my weight loss efforts openly, particularly with someone who has not himself/herself struggled with their weight.
I think we are all a bit like eggs. Yes, eggs.
Eggs are brilliantly designed to protect what is inside. They can withstand a good amount of pressure... unless that pressure is delivered in one of those sensitive spots. I think we are like eggs because each of us has a sensitive spot. It might be religion, family, work, friends, politics, looks, teeth, hair, voice, height. For me, it is weight. When a comment is delivered that might cause some added pressure, usually my shell holds up okay. Comments to my sensitive spot, about weight, they can make those little cracks. They can expose the delicate stuff inside.
So, what does one do? In my case, I usually try not to talk about it. If you avoid the conversations, you avoid those comments, right? That doesn't seem like a perfect solution though. If everyone has different sensitivities, and we all dance around those, life becomes pretty dull, huh?
And yet, I don't feel ready to reveal my frustrations with my struggle to folks who don't seem to understand. Hmm... what's the long-term solution? Because it isn't just me and my weight. It stifles conversations about religion, about politics, about education, about choices to buy a $3 cup of coffee while others live on less than $1 per day (yup, I'm guilty of the $3 coffee indulgence,) about stuff that really matters.
Well, I'm posing the question. Don't expect me to have the answers... especially not the same day.
In the meantime, I will happily use this journal to expose the little cracks in my shell.
And now I feel compelled to do the egg in vinegar experiment and then see if I can get it to recalcify. Hmm... I think I have eggs in the fridge.
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| Monday, February 20th, 2006
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8:13 am - Mondays
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Isn't it nice how Mondays are like a clean slate?
I didn't have a horrible weekend. I did have a plate of pasta (half-order) at Maggiano's Little Italy while celebrating a friend's birthday. But I didn't have wine or dessert. And I stuck with one piece of bread.
The thing I'm feeling bad about is exercise. I've had a slight sinus thing, and it has been cold. So I haven't done the elliptical since Thursday night. That's the longest I've gone this year without a good workout. I did walk around the mall yesterday.
But today is Monday. My scale is showing me down 10.5 pounds since January 1. My pants are still down one size. And I'm starting the day with yogurt and Grape Nuts. Go, team, go!
current mood: determined
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| Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
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9:37 pm - I love my jeans.
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And I hate my scale.
You see, my scale says that I am up 3 pounds (bringing my loss since January 1) back to just 7 pounds instead of 10.
But my jeans, they are my friends. I have a pair that is a size smaller than I've worn in months, and I wore them OUT IN PUBLIC today. And they looked okay. And I could bend and breathe. And I didn't need to lie on the bed and do strange maneuvers to zip them.
Maybe my elliptical is creating muscle mass? I can dream, right? :-)
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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3:07 pm - Keeping momentum...
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I've got two more weeks to meet my first goal that I set for myself.
I'm doing well on my eating today.
I will get on the elliptical again. Fortunately, exercise seems the consistent part of my routine.
I need to put down the diet coke and pick up the water bottle. More fluids.
I think I can.
It's getting a little lonely out here in the virtual healthy lifestyles journals, dear friends. Hel-loooooo????
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| Sunday, February 12th, 2006
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10:40 pm - Checking in
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Calories... high end of range.
Water: 10 cups
Exercise: 36 minutes on the elliptical
Plugging along.
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7:58 am - Hmm...
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"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
That's a pretty good tidbit of inspiration. Though it has me thinking... something with friction and my thighs.
Anyway, my husband has authorized the purchase of a new scale. Apparently, he has had the same types of weird fluctuations. So now the research begins. Any tips?
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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7:31 am - *expletive* the scale
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So this past week I struggled with calories, but even on my worst day I took in maybe 300 calories more than my range. I had days in range.
This morning I couldn't help but visit my scale. It showed me as up 3 pounds. Huh? That is over 10,000 calories stored by my body. I was tempted to do the healthy_me_2006 trick of stepping on the scale again... to see if it was just a fluke, but I feared seeing a higher number. That would make me cross my decade mark and would make me very sad.
I know there are "logical explanations" for a weight fluctuation. Water retention (it's not near AF, and I drank 14 glasses of water yesterday). Muscle gain (3 pounds in a week?).
So I'm having my husband send the scale into exile again. That's what it gets for the crime of trying to sabotage my positive attitude.
Instead I will focus on:
-- the fact that I have upped the intensity of my workouts in just the 40 or so days that I've been working out regularly. I now can burn as many calories in about 35 minutes as I did in 55 during the early days of my workout.
-- the fact that I am wearing pants that are one size smaller than the start of the year.
-- the empty 5-gallon water bottles that wait by our door for the next delivery. I drank most of that water!
-- the healthy food and snack choices that sit on our shelves.
Well, until I decide I'm ready to face the scale again.
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| Thursday, February 9th, 2006
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10:38 pm - Getting back in the swing of things
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Today I was:
- in my calorie range
- able to get in 42 minutes on the elliptical
- very good with drinking water
- able to resist a table full of cookies and brownies at the PTA meeting (I had one brownie, and a handful of grapes)
I might hold off on my weigh-in until Valentine's Day. The habits and choices matter more than the number in the long run.
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11:00 am - Early Valentine's Dinner...
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So last night, I ate some absolutely divine Greek food.
1/2 pita
2 ounces gyros meat
small piece mousaka (eggplant lasagna-like dish)
small piece of spanikopita (spinach, feta, filo dough, onions)
2 small dolmades (grape leaf rolls)
1 cup avo..... long greek word soup (lemon/chicken/rice soup)
Wow. Yum-my. I also made it a point to do an extra workout. And drink a lot of water... holy sodium count, batman!
My less than perfect eating is behind me, including the special day dinner. Back to yogurt, carefully measured portions and home-cooked meals. I was up a pound on the scale this morning, but I really think that water weight was a big contributor. My official weigh-in will be tomorrow. Let's see if I can chase that pound away.
current mood: determined
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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9:36 pm - Need to recommit on my eating...
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I went out shopping with my friend and her kiddo today. We did a good amount of walking today, but we stopped at the food court. I had a piece of very greasy pizza. It was yummy. But I can't allow these treats to become a habit. I ended up about 60 calories over for the day, but spent a good amount of time feeling hungry and not having calories to spare for a snack. That'll teach me to give into temptation so easily. :-)
Anyway, I got some good deals for the boys. I picked out a pair of pants to use as a temporary goal. I need to lose about 15 pounds for them to fit well. So I am hanging them in a visible place in my workout room/library so that I can use them as a reminder.
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| Sunday, February 5th, 2006
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11:19 pm - There are snacks in the house...
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...and not in my mouth!
I made the mistake of shopping at Costco three days before the Super Bowl. They had samples of all sorts of munchies. I ended up walking out of there with one supersized bag of bagel chips and one jumbo bag of chocolate covered pretzels.
And when I got home, I immediately put them into portion-sized baggies. 120 calories per bag. And so far I've had 3 portions in the past 5 days. When I have a choice of what to put into my body, I'm making healthier choices. All by myself. Wow.
And I managed to get in a 62 minute workout tonight.
I think I'll wait until Friday to check the scale. I might make the 15 pounds by valentine's day. Wouldn't that be a treat?
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